does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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