just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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