I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
