Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
