I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
