why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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