I love black thongs
This is not my ceiling
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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