I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
