I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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