Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
