I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
