Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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