So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My vagina is very pro this idea
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
