i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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