YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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