Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You can't special order awesome
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
