Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
