No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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