My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
