Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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