just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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