its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
