you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
