I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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