just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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