I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
