i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
