I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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