I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
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Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
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I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize