how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
a search helicopter?!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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