so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize