Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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