JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
