i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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