Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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