Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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