If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
