i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
