she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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