I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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