We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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