i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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