Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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