Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
