Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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