I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
3pm strippers are depressing
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
