Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
