dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
