I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
