She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Mom said you looked used
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
