i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
