I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
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I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize