i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
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I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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