I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
