I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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