I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
