Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
