Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
