You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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