I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
