I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
