I could have mohawked her pubes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
