I seem to have left my pride at pride
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
