let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
