yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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