It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
