He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
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i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
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We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
false alarm, still single
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