Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
