I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
