she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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