ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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