Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
