According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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