You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
