i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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