I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
