I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
